I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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