i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
