I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
being pregnant is like rehab
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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