i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
