who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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