Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
