he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
