Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
