Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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