put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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