just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
