I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
