Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
