Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
