I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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