you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
