We named our party play list daddy issues
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
