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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i would punch a child for taco bell
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
