I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
