I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
