Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
