If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
