What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
