Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize