We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
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I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
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If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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