Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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