Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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