He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
