I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
