drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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