I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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