Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
