i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
