can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
