Me. At least after what I've been through.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
