I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
