I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
