at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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