i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
