The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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