I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
