Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
