In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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