I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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