Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
