i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
