Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
