hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
