can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
