I skipped work to stalk him.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
