just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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