I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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