He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
