well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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