a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
