I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
