i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian