i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
