I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?