I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.