R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
