last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon