She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
