I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
