i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
