I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
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Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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