you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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