I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
